Oh so much to do...

OH man. I am back at that point again of wanting to be so much better than I am. I mean, better at doing things, I know I am just a fine person - God loves me, right?, I just have so many thoughts of things to do and so little action steps actually doing them. I'm guessing because I am on here all the time. That kind of throws a wrench into getting anything done!

And yet, I know I really don't have all that much time right now either. Have you really ever logged how much time you actually need to attend to an almost three month old baby and an almost two year old toddler?? Not to mention all the to and from of the preschooler and kindergartner. Yes, I realize I am busy doing a very good work for these kiddos. However, there comes a point where I know there is more. More I should be doing. Or rather more I want to be doing.

I have been reading great books lately (over the last 6 months or so) that have really helped me be happy in my station as a Mother - raising these kiddos to know God, and I mean to really know Him and WHY they know Him and should want to know Him and hopefully where to find all these truths from the Bible. And being a Wife and being a helper for my husband (which I unfortunately fall down in constantly.) I am totally understanding, now, more of the reasons God put me here and that I need to embrace this - trying to fight it all only leads to strife on many levels.

I am learning that I have always been, and still am, so incredibly selfish!! Oh, I can justify it in many ways, like a sentence I was typing earlier that didn't fit there and now I realize why: These kids just take so much time from me, I automatically go to "me time" (ie - computer) when I have a spare minute and I don't do the chores, or the extras that I know would be benificial. Why do I do that? Why can't I just, again, "get it together" and get stuff done?!!

I don't want to justify any more. I just want to DO and be done. I have got to get more disciplined in my life. I am starting a "chore chart" for the kids - they have been clamoring for it for awhile... and I think I need to do one for myself as well. Maybe it would actually give me some external motivation for doing what I should be doing. Give myself my own props for getting something done around here. I know, "Do as unto the Lord", and I am starting to really grasp the meaning of that now, given that I am understanding more of the wife and mother roles as given from God and the true importance of both pieces. It has just been hard for me to do - mainly getting myself put aside and truly putting others first and what that truly means.

And you get that little taste of time after your child gets to a certain age where you realize you do have more "free" time and then...oops, another child comes. And now I am back where I was before feeling like there is so much to do and so little time, and using that time so unwisely.

Ah, discipline, discipline, discipline. I have got to get further in the current book I am reading: The Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman. Maybe that will help me! I'll let you know! :-)



Oh, and someday, I hope to post again about "Fabrics" and "Gardens".
....someday.

The Next Thing

Do the Next Thing

At an old English parsonage down by the sea,
There came in the twilight a message to me.
Its quaint Saxon legend deeply engraven
That, as it seems to me, teaching from heaven.
And all through the hours the quiet words ring,
Like a low inspiration, do the next thing.

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, do the next thing.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care.
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand,
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe 'neath His wing,
Leave all results, do the next thing.

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering by thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance, be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons, do the next thing.


An old English Poem
Author Unknown


Quoted from Passionate Housewives Desperate for God by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald.

School Starts... Blogging Stops?

Is this how it works? I was wanting more "schedule" in my day, but is this it? Is there really a schedule? Ummm, where does blogging fit in???

Maybe I'm just not there yet. I was having the B man get his shoes on a whole hour before we were supposed to leave to get the H girl yesterday... totally messed up on time. (Granted it takes him a while to get them on, but a bit extreme in this case!)

I am not settled into a routine for sure. The kids are getting closer to it, though it has been a transition for B to go to school on different days than last year (M,W,F instead of T,TH). He gets confused with that. H seems to like going everyday.

And they are so tired! This PM kindergarten/preschool stuff is hard on us! The kids need naps still, but doing them when we get home is too late, too close to bed time - not that they would do it at 4PM anyway... And after being babies they have not napped before lunchtime so that is out of the question now. A couple times I have gotten B to sit with me for some quiet time on the couch with his blanket before lunch, but never H.

So we are working on it.

It just seems like we are spending our mornings just waiting for lunch to come around so we can go to school. There isn't yet any real defined activity times that we do things in the morning except the TV goes off by 8/8:30 depending on what time we are done with breakfast... then get dressed and then free playtime with a small snack around 9:30 and then lunch around 11:15/30 (so we can get toys put away, ready to leave for school around 12:05.)

So writing it out here, it looks like I could (if I really wanted to/had the energy to/really obeyed what I should do...) put in some kind of Mommy&Kids activity between 9:30 and 11:30. I have thought of a "chore jar", or some Christian homeschool curriculum (just something light and fun since H is in public school now not Christian preschool anymore), or some other form of activity.

Here are some thoughts now that I am sitting in the quiet (yes, older two are quietly playing together and lil'D is napping...) and thinking...

Maybe one day is "game day" to play board games or outside together (Monday?);
another a "learning day" for worksheets or special Bible reading, etc. (Wednesday?);
maybe two days of the "chore jar" (Tues/Thurs);
and what for another day?? "Art", "Kids choice"? ...hmmm, those scare me a little! :)

(I would love to hear some more ideas from anyone here...)

Not to mention filling in the time with the things I need to be doing like dishes, laundry (I have already noticed that I am not hanging out the laundry as often because of the time crunch...bummer), other cleaning, figuring out dinner.

I have already been able to determine I am not going to get through this (hmmm...life?) without a meal plan for the week, and I am not going to be able (usually, depending on the meal) to get away with "starting dinner" after the kids get home from school (3:30-4 ish.) There are too many needs/wants the kids all have during that time that I just can't focus on the kitchen stuff...which is usually a disaster by that time anyway. I feed the kids a small snack when they get home and we talk about their day, but with lil' D being awake also, he isn't willing to sit for as long as the other kids, and then "the chase is on."



It is so hard not to turn on that TV and "plug them in" for awhile... but I am doing really well so far at not until I "have to" to get through. (Oh, yeah, yesterday was a bad day, I was quite a grouch from 3 'till 6 ish...headache, mean, tears, ask for forgiveness, etc..) :-{ So, when the older two are at school, I need to get any errands done while in town, then come home, entertain lil'D (because he rarely has a nap after the morning one... ...gee, he has a bit of a strange schedule, but it seems to work for him), give him some "Mommy time" - he loves sitting and reading books then- and trying to get what I can going for dinner while chasing an 18 month old out of the kitchen. Fun, fun! :-)

And, looking at it all from this vantage point, it is fun.

Or at least like mostly fun,
should be fun,
except the tough parts,
and that is my call to reach out to God for help.

I am reading a great book right now, really inspiring, called Passionate Housewives Desperate for God and it is really helping me to see God's vision for women/mothers. It is a quick read; unless you want to look up every verse referenced for context, and then it will take you f-o-r-e-v-e-r! There is a lot of Scripture packed in there - it would be a great book to pass along to young Christian wives/mothers, maybe for Christmas? It is far from being about perfectionism - since there is only One who is perfect! But real. Written from the vantage point of real women who have been there, who are there, who have lived to tell about the blessings.


So, as it goes, we are working on it. I am working on it. A life in process. Hopefully progress!

For I am confident of this very thing,
that He who began a good work in you
will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6

Going Greenish

So in an effort to save the Earth some energy and use more of our land for a purpose, we have installed a clothesline. It just seemed so silly to dry clothes in the clothes dryer when it was 80+ degrees outside!!

These are the pictures from the "first run" and it was pretty saggy. My sweet husband put the posts in with just gravel (not concrete) in case I didn't like the location we picked so they would be easier to move. --Does he know me, or what??-- Anyway, the tension required for the lines to stay somewhat taught was too much for just a gravel base and the posts moved some. He decided to go ahead and cement them in and figured he could always just dig that up if he needed to move it later on. So far I really like the location (I did pick it after all...) ;-) It is on the far side (SE) of the house away from the road (didn't really want to air all the dirty laundry!) where it gets both a breeze and some sun. Today is the first day after the cementing that I will be able to hang more out since it has (currently) stopped raining.

Yes, I know it is more work. But it will get me outside (read: out of this crazy house!!) and it will help teach the kids good stewardship of our resources - paying for/using up energy vs. using God's provided free sunshine/breeze to help us.

OK, so the big news - No, it's not twins! Looong story...

WARNING: Seriously LONG story. Get a cup of tea and stay awhile or come back when you have time, this is a big one.

Well, after more than 9 months of stress and strain, we now have a resolution to our work issue. Let me give you the background.

Last August (2007) D found out that the bank where he works in town was going to be bought out. He had a mid level back office position that was sure to be cut in the process (the new bank already has all their people that they would need for that and would not hold onto the overlap, ie. D and others.) We didn't hear final word for another month that, yes, his job would be no longer. The merger date took a long time to set, it could have been in December but it was put off until the end of March (this year). Read: Future is uncertain.

Even though D would not have been kept on at the new bank, he was necessary for the current bank to keep functioning smoothly and he was definitely needed through the "conversion" of the two banks where they merge their accounting systems, etc.. So D was to be kept on through the merger, and then through the conversion which could have been two or three months later.

In the meantime there were various discussions at work of compensation for the current time (to answer questions from employees like "Why should I stay on here, knowing that my job will be done in a couple months" and the "Why should I stay on after my bank is now your bank?") We seriously looked at various jobs after Christmas. (I mean, you kinda need a job to buy food, etc.!) We had serious temptations to leave early, forgo the extra compensation and take a couple of the different job options, just to get out of the stress of the situation and the not knowing what would happen in the future.

We even looked at jobs 10+ hours away in Oregon! (Yikes, no saltwater for this NW girl?? Now that is marital commitment! ...well, after some tears of course...) D even had three job offers at one point; he was feeling really blessed, but really confused as to what to do!

Meanwhile, knowing that we were losing our job here, and because of D's skills not being in too high of demand in this small city, we had planned on moving from here and had even gotten a contingent contract for the sale of our house to the people that board their horses here, and had accepted a job up in Bellingham at what seemed to be a great place and a great opportunity for D to work and grow in his field - although outside of the banking industry. (We had lived there 4 years ago for about 10 years, so it was OK for us to go back - almost a known quantity. Also, the job was very flexible in that they really wanted D to work for them so they were open to almost any start date knowing the bank's merger situation.)

Sooner into this spring it looked more and more (from D's inside perspective) that this deal might not go through, or if it did, it would take much more time because of some issues found at the other bank. Then we got more confused... "What do we do now?" "Do we stay here longer and help out here at the bank, or move on to where we could be and get settled? (That was my vote since I wanted to find where we were going to get kids registered for kindergarten and preschool, etc..) But, we hadn't finished the house sale yet... "Why isn't their house selling? They priced it really really well, were getting lots of traffic through it...??" What do we do now that this is going to possibly take longer???? (These thoughts were weighing on us, especially since we had been thinking of all this since August of last year! Like let's just get on with this shall we??)


And then the merger of the two banks didn't go through.


OK, what now??? We have put our lives on hold for over 9 months now expecting this job to disappear. Now we have to rethink everything. We had made several large commitments: 1) To sell our house to these people and 2) to take the new job. After the news of the failed merger came out, D still put in his notice at the current bank. We had already been down the path and talked together about what if this happened. We were ready to move on. The bank said fine, we understand. So we told both the house people and the new job people the end date for our employment here.


And then the bank came back a whole week later with an offer.
One that seriously made us pause.


Then came the "God, what are you doing???" "Why??"


We had to rethink EVERYTHING. Why had we made such decisions so early? Why had we decided that we needed to move? Why had we gone on our own and decided that D needed a new job so quickly? Why weren't we living out the current life given to us, enjoying the time we had here and waiting?

Sure we had prayed about every step we had taken. "Lord, what do we need to do to fix the house to sell?" "Lord, are these good job options?" "Lord, where should we look for houses in this new city?" Can you see that none of this allowed for God to say "Wait. I have plans for you that you cannot see yet." "Wait, you don't need to move." "Wait. I will provide."

We just up and decided that D had to have a new job. That he had to get it set up far in advance of knowing much of anything about the merger, except a far off termination date (scary for the soul provider of the three kids we have and the future child on its way!) Also, the idea that this new job had to be "off island." That we wouldn't be able to find anything here, so don't even look. Hmmm. How quick we are to make big decisions like this. Just uproot and go. We've done it in two of the past four years, why not this one as well. Of course once we decided on Bellingham, that was going to be "the place we will stay" and not move and uproot again. We would be able to get the kids in schools, get the garden started, finally get really involved at a church. But the land prices we just couldn't get over. We have 5 acres here and to get that there we would have taken on more debt. Also with the baby "happening" in the middle of all this, I started looking for four bedroom houses, the price for homes/acreage went up again!

So this new offer really made us pause. Rethink. Everything.

Why move?
Where did we let God in to do His work?
HAD WE BROUGHT THIS STRESS ALL ON OURSELVES??!
(Now that was a sad thought!)
It was a wake up call for us.


Loooooonng story short, we took the offer here to stay.


We told the people buying the house and they were very happy for us. Everything went so well at that "meeting." They are such a lovely Christian couple and the wife and I had just been talking on the phone two weeks before about their house and her saying "God, what do I need to do to sell this? Haven't we done everything?" And I was telling her then, "It's OK, we have time. God is still pulling all the strings to get all the people in the right places." Funny how those strings involved ours not moving! They will still be trying to sell their house and find other acreage and will be keeping their horses here until that happens - yea! They truly don't have hard feelings against us which is nice. And they had kept looking at other houses (even with the contract already on ours) just in case something had happened to our deal in the meantime.

D has been trying to get a hold of the new employment place, but the bosses have all been out of the office. Hopefully God will be in the midst for that discussion as well. (D is a little concerned as to how they will take it, but they had previously said in the spring that if the deal didn't go through they would understand that he may want to stay - I mean it's not like we would have been looking for other work if this "merger" deal wouldn't have come up.)


So I will save our "new plans" for another post - there are many. (We have so many to catch up on after putting ourselves on hold for the past 9 months!!)

So far we have learned many valuable life lessons:
1) God will provide ...something ...sometime!
2) Don't put God in a box. You never know what He has in store for you, but He knows! Leave Him some room to work!
3) Wait! and wait some more!
4) **Most Important** Live fully where you are.

What is that saying? "Bloom where you are planted"?

God is working...

Lord willing there will be an update later this week, but for now, know that God is working and the job situation may change for us in the next couple days. We are under some stress trying to know what we are to do, getting counsel and asking lots of questions and PRAYING. I am praying that now we are letting God "do" and we are not just "do"-ing for ourselves. We may have been a victim of our own selves, selfishly planning instead of WAITING and letting God provide.

Oh, to see the plans he has for us. And to see how this will affect everyone involved. I just keep reminding myself that God knows, and all things will work for good.

Praising Him.

(Oh, and about 1/4th of the dahlias are sprouting! WooHoo - maybe no rot???)